Mindful sex might be a term that is not familiar to many people, so in a few words, it is a tool that helps to be engaged with the present moment during sexual encounters. A way to avoid thinking about other things and be more relaxed in bed and connected to the experience.
Mindfulsex cannot exist without Mindfulness
This is to say that Mindfulness is the primary base, on which Mindfulsex is then built on. It's important to first know and practice Mindfulness before reading and applying techniques for Mindfulsex.
Just to give you a general idea, Mindfulness is a way of living by paying more attention to our experiences. This attention is directed towards our thoughts, emotions, and body sensations, thus increasing awareness, acceptance, and compassion.
As a result, we learn how to better manage difficult experiences, be more concentrated, energetic, have more self-confidence, and feel more relaxed in our everyday life.
It is a journey of self-knowledge. You learn to be more attentive to your surroundings as well as to yourself – your thoughts, your emotions, your whole body. It is another way of living, where, through knowledge and meditation, you learn to better manage stress, pain or sadness and therefore increase your wellbeing.
Has your mind ever wandered in the middle of sex?
It has been said many times that the most important organ in sex is the brain. However, instead of being an ally, this part of our bodies can turn into our worst enemy when it comes to having a great time with our partner(s), whether we’re rambling in thoughts, obsessing over insecurities or worrying about our fears.
Sometimes we focus a lot on finding external stimuli to improve our sex life, such as sexy lingerie, sex toys, finding the perfect spot, and many other things that can be a concern for us, and they can definitely be good options to add some spice in the bedroom, but probably the best way to really have great sex may be to simply be in the moment; concentrating on the sensations you’re feeling and savouring every part of the experience as a whole but also the small specific parts of it, rather than letting your mind wander while your body goes on autopilot mode.
Mindfulsex, who's it for?
Anyone can benefit from immersing deep enough in the sensations of that moment, to avoid getting stuck on thoughts that come to mind.
Mindful sex is not only for people who struggle with physical intimacy or have sexual dysfunctions but for anyone who wants to improve their sex life.
Mindfulness helps you be more aware of your body and be open during sex in a way that each experience is enjoyed and perceived through all your senses. Making an effort to stay focused on remaining present with your partner(s) or yourself, thinking only about what is happening at that exact moment.
Overthinking is harmful in bed and I am not only talking about sex. We all know how anxious thoughts affect our sleep too. So why not work on managing our thoughts better? Here are some techniques to have a mindful experience in bed.
Keys to practice mindful sex
Pay attention to your breath
You probably heard before about the importance of conscious breathing for your health. Oxygen is the battery for our brain and taking a really deep breath is one of the easiest strategies to bring yourself back to the present moment.
It is also the easiest, fastest and probably the most important factor to maintain awareness to the present whilst also being in synchrony with your bodies and more connected to pleasure.
Focus on your sensations
The smell of your partner, the touch of their skin or the bed sheets, the sounds of your and their body and breath. Really feel any sensation you're experiencing and communicate to your partner whether you like it or not.
Don't make the orgasm a goal or a reason of pressure
Sometimes we are too focused on making it happen, that we miss the chance to explore more, to go with the flow, and finally enjoying the moment. The orgasm obsession can create extra pressure and distraction.
Imagine for a second, that the orgasm didn't exist. How would you experience your sexual encounter differently?
My recommendation is to start using mindfulness in your daily life and once you become more aware of being present in general, the easier and faster it will be for you to achieve the same during sex.
You can read more about Mindfulness to help improve your quality of life and achieve a calmer mindset!